DUKE and The Pill
Musing on DUKE and The Pill.
from way back in 2014, as I sat in a garden in the Surrey-side...
So, today I am in the countryside. It's Tuesday 4th October. I had no idea that this is where I would be today last week. I had no idea that the flat we were supposed to move into was going to slowly, like a mini juggernaut in slow motion, slowly creep towards a no can do. I had no idea that my business accounts would be frozen, I had no idea that everything would lead me here to another space where the only sensible thing to do, is rest in the being here, accept the whirl of mid nighttime swirling dreams and rising emotions, to be in the tears upon waking at 5am, to sit with my weird self and a new situation, to accept it in all in my stride in some way and then go ahead, make headway. Here I sit at the bottom of the garden, a beautiful English country garden, next to a never really used little barn den place that feels like a home for writing, sitting here in a glistening of sunshine and to write what happens now, how it is, how it feels, how my solitude is different now, how my connectedness is now, how I am going to go about re-creating this life that I live in, this body, soul, spirit, mind, heartbeat that I navigate and explore.Listening to Sophia's Velvet Visions, immediately making sense of everything in a tiny connect with a soulful memory and presence that enables a connect through music, through waves of friendship love, through knowing I am not alone. I like the way that misspelling Visions equals a suggestive Bison. Oh, to see a Bison! A grand slow fellow grazing wildebeest style not too far from me as the mists lift on a Savannah somewhere - is that where they live? I guess in imagination they can live anywhere can't they? That's the point. So, here he is my little friendly calm grand, grounded bison, Duke, I'll call him. Duke.
Today a strong social chatter is around the Pill and all the bad things that it can do to women, (and of course don;t forget the Oestrogen in the water for the fellas to be concerned about with the growth of man moobs and lady alerts - oh so much more emotionally infused - in their blood stream), The Pill, the answer to structured infertility. A placement of drugs on the interchange of femininity, child-rearing and sexuality; a shutting down, shutting off, cry for help; Ho who protect ourselves? I took The Pill at 14, absolutely sincerely convinced that this would save my modern soul, to bring about control, a control over bearing fruit that was not meant for now, said my 14 year old self. And as wise as my 14 year old self was at the time and believe me my eyes were wide open by then, very open to the pitfalls of teenage birth or indeed any kind of motherhood, from then until some distant time in my late twenties, I would take The Pill and then swiftly, The Injection, to savage my fertility, my potential to grow babies, my answer to being free in this modern life. There is an outcry online about the use of the Pill to tame our natural cycles, to save us from ourselves, an outcry that says "how could this have been going on so long?" - some mutherfucking damn stupid question I'd say.
Why do we want to tame?
As the warm sun warms my back, already cloaked in a winter coat, my hair dries in the sunshine and the apple sway. Your sense be braced, nothing can Stand in your way..." Is the line that is being delivered via the cloud and the machine....Today, that's a good thing to remember. Most days, a good thing to remember, be brave. Brace. Propell. Bison, Viking, witch, where,,,,? Nothing will stand in your way....
;unsettled as I feel inside, where here and now my feelings cannot hide, I feel ever so grateful, for the sun on my bow. The soft Autumnal stream of light on my back. THe input of light. The glistening, thE GLIMMERING SHADOWS AND SHADE, THE BRIGHT SPARKLING GRASS BESIDE MY FEET, THE WARM CURLING WISPING AIR ON MY HAIR, WARMING MY CURLS. THE BISON STANDS NEARBY. EVERY NOW AND AGAIN VIKING, duke GIVES ME A HALF LOOK WITH HIS FLUTTERING EYE.